grateful.

It baffles me just how blessed I have been my entire life. I have literally never been in want of anything, despite desiring so many things and truly needing nothing. The best people I know are the most riddled with hardships. These people are also the strongest and most resilient. If I turn out to be half as thankful as they are, maybe I'll be fine. Goal.

cannot think.

I cannot think of a better time to write. I cannot think of a more lonely table, a more far away feeling... Getting a nicotine buzz just from breathing the air beneath my nose. They're not coming anymore. Delicate, weighted eyelids shut out the burn but not the night. There are too many lights, colors and colors of light... I can't even feel my fingertips anymore, but they're not coming anymore.

as opposed to yesterday.

Today, I jumped out of a plane in my mind. A plane hovered at the very roof of my skull. I jumped and never landed.

Today, I knotted up my shoulders. I ruined a massage. I thought about an illness that makes one's glands swell up. I felt pain.

Today, I gained an enemy. Scrunched up inside of the corner of the darkness in my body there was an enemy. I fed her cake and asked her to come in. She did. We are now enemies.

Today, I left my childhood behind. In a beautiful park with sycamore trees and clean, clean sand. I left her in a park with a dripping Popsicle in her hand and little scrapes on her knees.

Today, I fell in love. With myself. She ain't half bad.