new leaf.

a big pair of fingers picked me up by the shirt collar and set me on the sidelines of my own life. then, i realized that i could simply... stand up and join the race. it's bigger than me, and not just literally. i've learned from my mistakes. it's bigger than me. i need to keep learning from my mistakes. it's bigger than me. i will keep learning. shadows can stretch much farther than they do at dusk when the sun goes down. i'll see my path. illuminated, but not by sunshine. that big pair of fingers, i think, must know of a big light switch. a big sunlight switch. it seems that time's only moving. slowly. but towards nothing. blurring your vision so that doesn't seem true, it's all you can do... i expect to be put ondisplat at any moment now. to look down and see the edge of a beautiful gold-leaf frame and below that a plaque imprinted with "la insistencia de la memoria" and below that a pair of organic hemp sandals attached to a pair of hairy feet and strong legs heaped in soft clothes headed by a face with wondering eyes. but he doesn't see me. and that's fine. this is my secret place.

untitled.

it's funny when i sift through old writings and other people's lyrics and blogs and books and whatever else my eyes can devour to try and find the truth that already lies in my own brain. writing the truth that's inside of me is so excrutiating. writing the feelings that fester in my heart and in my head is so painful. it's such a different kind of hurt. it's a thud and an ache i've never felt before. it's a pressure on my body on my soul. i see this beautiful crying girl in the mirror and i want to shatter her face. but i'm already broken. and she's already gone.

quote by yours truly

"i hate being quiet when my soul is so loud."