mute.

my body's straining from sleep deprivation and now my eyes are straining in this horrid 6am light... it was like a movie. the timing, i mean. i had settled on my back, face and palms up, eyes painfully stuck open. i fixed the earbuds on either side of my brain. my finger hovered over the button and-- he speaks her name. my stupid heart stops and curiosity overtake the need to sleep. once again... i am vastly incapable of remaining content with myself. i asked him in my head" do you ever feel like you know exactly what and how you think but the next minute you're more lost than when you began?" or was it something more meaningful... i catch that glimpse and i feel swimming in the warmth of childhood. but i can't tell if i'm dreaming. can't tell if my brain is so over-active as to make my eyes believe they had seen a sign of love... and still-- i smile. i smile so hard my brain hurts. happiness-pain is the stuff of real love. and i can see i'll be just fine.