Decide.
Commit.
Succeed.

thankful.

One of my Chapman writing professors, published author Martin Nakell, has an Iranian pen pal who is a student and aspiring writer. Recently, I found Vahid on Facebook, and connected the two men. Dr. Nakell sent the following email, which really served to put into perspective how blessed I am to be an American.

studenti --

thanks to sera, vahid got the request to be my friend on facebook. incredibly, the regime shut down facebook (as well as other sites communicating with the outside world) after the last presidential election and the riots that followed. so vahid cannot access facebook anymore.

i just got this message from vahid as well:

Some terrifying news is that they have arrested a very big number of those who were exchanging political news and spreading the events on FaceBook, too.

whew! a good thing i or we weren't on facebook with vahid after all!

'til tuesday, have a good weekend of enjoying our freedom, yes?

dr. nakell

Streets.

Let's take a walk. Look up at the clouds. Drink warm things.

[inspired by the story of an Argentinian man reunited with his son after 30 years apart - from the POV of the kidnapped mother]

There are so many things that I want to say. Thinking on vulnerability, my mind crunches down and pushes against my temples--leaving a space and building a pain. It won't think anymore. I won't think anymore. Vulnerable is weak. Have I written that before? The girl is grinding her teeth. I want to hit her so hard, until I can't tell the difference between her tears and my own. But I also want her to touch me, to lay her hand on me and not know what I am thinking when our heartbeats match heartbeats and our tears touch in a different way. But this is weakness. Have I said that before? I have sinned--unlike these men have sinned--but I have sinned nonetheless. I have felt danger in the pit of my stomach and instead of turning away, I have run toward it. Feeding another life can either feel parasitic or celestial. And I felt neither. I only felt myself, and what I believed. Now I sit here--griding teeth, breaking water, swelling anger--and I realize: I am not a vessel and this is not a temple, and my body cannot keep you safe.

when it rains.

when it rains, i always feel compelled to write something.

i don't want to feel like i'm falling into any sort of cliche, but even if i was...

when it rains, everything is so delightfully rich and saturated.

when the light outside is dimmed by rain clouds, my thoughts are brightened.

i see a little clearer or, at least, i dream a little more.

i don't know the artist of this lovely portrait, but i am enamored with it.

wish.

Hey all, my birthday wish this year is for people to donate to a relief fund to benefit those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. For those of you, like me, who live in California, think about how likely it is that we have a devastating earthquake within the next decade. We would want help rebuilding our lives, too, if we were unfortunate enough to need it. I am turning 22 years old, so I donated that much, but even $1 or $5 would be much appreciated by World Vision. OR you can text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 through the American Red Cross. Thanks for listening.

- Sera x

issues.

It's an issue of believing in myself. It's an issue of loving myself just enough to never deny myself anything. I've never had a true commitment to myself. I want to be able to say that I love myself more than any other person, but in the way that this love inspires me to be the best person I can be. True self-love does not detract from any love I may have for other people. This love of self inspires others and brings me closer to those people.

Confidence is part of it. I admire women who have enough confidence in their true selves to voraciously go after what they want and to say NO to what they don't.

Dreaming is important. If I don't try, I can't succeed. Yes, I might fail, but those knee-scrapes and ego-bruises make me tough. Sometimes I worry that my dreams are "irrelevant" or something equally vague. My dreams are just as important as anyone else's.

Self-esteem is not the pinnacle, as many would think. Self-love and self-esteem are too separate entities. I do want to hold myself in esteem, as it were, but I need that initial realization that I am worth it. Right now, I feel that hard work is the only path to this end.

Keeping an optimistic view of my own future and the futures of those around me, I am ready to step forward--even onto the thinnest of ice.