Half a World Away

1 a moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection
2 chandeliers tangle and untangle
5 miles into the heavens
5 there they revel in the endless stretches
5 half a world away
4 "you are a very special young lady"
1 she had a big yellow wig that made her face look too small and smelled like
6 her cigarette changes position and her face changes expression
1 "I do this, this, because it feels good"
2 toxic
6 in a mad rage
5 ruggedly beautiful
7 "remember remember"
7 her voice has a strength that is a metered by a calmness
8 "we are being punished"
9 tell us
7 "sometimes I wonder where we would be"
9 tell us
7 "if he hadn’t failed"
9 tell us
2 "never stop fighting"
7 my entire world was erased
5 absolute isolation half a world away
2 fragile without breaking it
4 "burn burn"
9 tell us
1 "boiling wet insides"
9 tell us
2 "you’re only given a little spark of madness"
5 half a world away from their homes
3 two houses shall be sitting
1 they walk away with another fleeting memory that almost got away
8 "am I in the place of God?"

[ask about my process]

so be it.

The following poem is written from the perspective of Hedda, the main character in Henrik Ibsen’s play Hedda Gabler. With the piece I have written, I intend to elucidate her feelings about the people and events surrounding this fascinating individual. Gaining more insight into Hedda’s personality, the reader will realize her vices and quirks, which makes for a better understanding of her identity. Each stanza dissects an aspect of this complex persona. There is also an accompanying Statement of Intent that I have chosen not to include.




Passion, rage, fire
Burning in my soul and through the papers
Through to a world of death and dance melodies
Of curtains and corsages
A manuscript seared A child gone
Loss of innocent life? So be it.
Eyes burning in their sockets
Reflection
My brain burning in its skull
Charred fragments Pieces of their soul One collective soul
Charred fragments all that remain of
They who disgust me
With hair gold as weeds
With lack of courage Lack of beauty Lack of a better word
Nothing beautiful Just accidents
Curtains, the end, drawing to a close
Something he could not But will

I? Clinging to you who is not my savior
Holding on for dear death
And yet slip
Slip and fall
Deep into Then
Because Now is colorless? So be it.
The color of your times will never flood my life
But always my memory
But you are gone Forever fading
And replaced with a ghost of a trace of a fraction of nobility
Of respect and honor
From your place on high You watch me even in death
I will join you someday Flee far from the place
From him
He will never be you
Never shelter me Keep me

And my crimson pain
Can’t breathe in this life
Trains go on While I wait here
His midnight blindness Flaming ebony blindness
Lack of sight Lack of mind Lack of a better word
‘See I’m drowning in the life he’s made?
No? So be it.
I become jade As the days dawdle Linger Loiter
In these gunmetal gray times
For what is there to live?
In these gray times He has nothing to offer
He speaks of violet mountains and ancient peoples
But the pages of his books are yellowing
Cracking and the words fade white
He tries to revive them With travel With travel
But he is once again blind He sees nothing of what is placed before him
He has nothing to offer But he’ll try to

Shift me Shape me Make me pure
With your lies and perfect words
Pure like deceit Smooth and romantic
Toy with me As I toy with them
Secrets
Not an escape but a freedom
Not a refuge but a relief
Transient amusement? So be it.
You bring me a shape that belongs
Not in love
What is that? I know not
Laugh at me Laugh at my drama
My foolish heart and childish games
You adore them Revel in them
Feed off of my spirit
I squirm under your gaze
You reach for me but Never will I give in

To scandal I say bah
To gossip I say nay
Not afraid but utterly terrified
Discover me not
My nose in the sky I sneer at them all
Another enemy? So be it.
Disrepute shall not tarnish my name
Degrade Deride Dethrone
I shall sooner die than do such
Things
I am ugly I am weak I need salvation
But it lurks in shadows
The answer hides in Dingy dirty squalid shadows
So I clean them Clean but not use them
Polish to perfection I expect to rub right through!
Shiny and inviting But their reflections wreak of scandal
Not for me

Even a moment of indecision
Vile music swirling
Giddy voices chatting
Suspect me not…
Before my eyes no flashes no memories no life no love
Before my choice. Be it so beautiful.
Faster faster racing heart beating heart faster racing
Blood pounding eyes throbbing ears screaming
Hands hot feet cold Arms tremble
Trigger cut my skin cold steel temple
Smile creeps lips part no scream no laugh
Final rush a blow a hole a fire a light a dark
Trickle sweat tickle feel fickle girl with a selfish heart
My poison delivered in powder metal smoke
This is it this was you I will feel beautiful
My criminal hands do it do it do it
Calm before the storm
I wonder what hell looks—

The Door

A flower wilts, another grows
The path leaves pebbles ‘tween my toes
A well ahead, right for a drink
My thirst is quenched, and I do think
The sun that shines so brightly there
Is pounding on my face and hair
And so I find a shady spot
Under a tree, so as not
To let it scorch with well-meaning rays
So I’ll return on other days
I lay my head down for a rest
And what has landed on my chest?
A leaf has fallen from the Oak
I dreamt it sat right up and spoke
About the wondrous sights to see
Such as the fairies lovely,
Within a world that no one knows
Except the birds and Climbing Rose
About a rainbow far away
Where, at its base, it’s joy to play…
And of all these things, I heard but one:
A secret door of fools and fun
Where Life is like a carefree game
And days are lived with no time frame
The nectar pours from everywhere
The scent of cake perfumes the air
And dancers glide with graceful ease;
Their ballrooms are the living trees
So I rose swift to my feet
And in a trance I did repeat
"I must go to this far off place"
And quickly worked to speed my pace
When I arrived and stood before
A wall of ivy that cloaked The Door
I pushed ‘til it became ajar
And happy sounds rang from afar
But blackness was all that could be seen
"I will," I thought," behold the scene
When I step inside and go explore"
And so I did, and closed The Door.

We’ve rid ourselves of another pest
She’ll not return and will never guess
That the place to which she longed to go
Will trap her forever—let no one know

i remember that day.

i peel my clothes off and let them fall where they may

the screen door is broken again

i push through

i see myself lying on my back

floating

letting the cool water envelope me

and rinse me whole again

but i slip and my foot catches on something beneath the waterthe light

the pool's only light

and i break it

it's probably for the best...

the thoughts in my head are so heavy they might make me drown

i sit at the edge of the water

my feet distorted

and i stare at the water

as it begins to calm itself

and i wish i could do that

i don't wade in

i don't float

i don't swim

but still

i hold my breath

true man.

He brought his portable bunny-eared 12inch television to the coffeeshop’s lobby area and pulled up an arm chair. He propped his booted feet up on one of the small round low tables and watched the highlights from some baseball game in Canada. His belly sat on top of his thighs and rose and fell with every labored breath. I imagined his wife had told him to get out, he was in the doghouse, and so even though he still sleeps next to his cold cold wife at night—only because his back problems wouldn’t permit even one night spent on the couch—he spends all of his time elsewhere. At work behind his steel desk at the nut canning facotry. In his comatose mother’s kitchen, making himself a meal of lentil soup and left-over turkey. And in the posh coffeeshop, setting up shop like some lame window display, confusing the young co-eds coming in to study and the caffeine addicted mothers-of-6.

no tiger.

there's gotta be more than what i'm seeing here
i feel like i'm standing outside a museum
and my whole life is the main exhibition
my whole life is on display to anyone willing to pay $8 to see someone ele's idea of art
i cock my head to one side and the furrow returns to my forehead
my lips purse and i just know that when i'm 50 i'll have lines streching out in all directions
there just has to be something more
i have to force myself to be creative
they're looking at me break out of my shell
the sinewy strands of birth fluid streching and breaking as i push out
gasp for a breath of air filling my lungs and pushing fluid out
gasp for a breath of air filling my lungs and pushing fluid out
gasp for a breath of air filling my lungs and pushing fluid out
i put my head back and roll my spine my neck feels like its healing from a break in mere seconds
i want to roar but i'm no tiger
that's just one thought
here's plenty more where i came from
arms thrust and now i know i'm schizometric
i have to bite my lips so many times to stop from saying something i mean but have already said too many times before

where: the valley of crowns. when: a lifetime ago. what: just a passenger.

I see my life being ripped apart at the seams. Beautiful fabric woven with gold and purple threads, laced with black and covered in shooting stars and smooth, smooth bones. I see my life being ripped apart at the seams. Fingers like spiders' legs working furiously and tearing apart. Thread strains, snaps, and curls backward. My Life Dress is unraveling. It is being pulled apart by its seams. I see my dress of sky and skin ripping apart. The holes gape open like dead mouths and moan at me. I see my dress of breakable things. It's not the way it used to be.