i remember that day.

i peel my clothes off and let them fall where they may

the screen door is broken again

i push through

i see myself lying on my back

floating

letting the cool water envelope me

and rinse me whole again

but i slip and my foot catches on something beneath the waterthe light

the pool's only light

and i break it

it's probably for the best...

the thoughts in my head are so heavy they might make me drown

i sit at the edge of the water

my feet distorted

and i stare at the water

as it begins to calm itself

and i wish i could do that

i don't wade in

i don't float

i don't swim

but still

i hold my breath

3.8.08

three simple words have echoed throughout my life.

when it was happening, it was painless.

when it was happening, i was silent.

after, i saw that he had stitched into me a part that was missing.

he had used a needle with ink for thread
and had sewn into the fabric of my skin.
my neck. because my neck holds my head holds my thoughts holds myself.
the neck is the heart of the spine.

three words that have followed and lead me.

now they only reside deeper in my life.

it will be a part of me forever.
and that's what everyone says. like it's a bad thing.

i cherish it.